Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), developed by Richard C. Schwartz, is the backdrop for everything I do. IFS is a psycho-spiritual, empowering, kind, and non-pathologizing approach to psychotherapy.
The central tenet of IFS is the existence of a Core Self that is eternally healthy and can never be damaged or destroyed. This Self is clarity, love, and inner power. It is from our Core Self that we can heal the other aspects of ourselves.
These other aspects Schwartz calls simply "parts". He categorizes them into three groups: exiles, managers and firefighters.
Exiles are parts that have often developed in childhood or early in life. Called "exiles" because we try to keep them locked away or repressed, they are the painful emotions that we don't like to feel, based on painful incidents in our lives.
Managers are protective, pro-active parts. Since it is so painful to feel the exile emotions, we unconsciously develop other parts to keep us from feeling the pain. These parts, which Schwartz has dubbed "managers," try to influence our lives in such a way that we will never feel pain. They are proactive, they want what's best for us, and they work very hard on our behalf. We might be aware of them through controlling thoughts we may have or through tension in our neck and shoulders.y
Firefighters are reactive parts that try to soothe or numb our painful feelings. Their methods include all of the addictions, such as compulsive overeating and other eating disorders, alcoholism, excessive shopping, compulsive overworking, etc, as well as getting into trouble on a regular basis, shutting down, dissociation, suicidal thoughts, and more. We all have some firefighter parts. They also love us, although if they become extreme, our painful feelings can get re-activated, and some manager parts may scold and criticize us.
All our parts are trying to help us be happy, even though the help may only be short term (Eating a bag of cookies does help numb our pain for a little while). Even the "inner critic" with its harsh self-judgment has good intentions, believe it or not. It's trying to get us to be perfect so that, in it's eyes, we will be safe.
Managers and firefighters both tend to become very active when emotional pain of the exiles gets triggered. The goal of IFS therapy is to heal our exiles' pain, allowing our other parts to relax and begin to come back into their natural balanced, healthy state.
Our Core Self then begins to have more and more influence in our inner life, and we begin to develop greater confidence and empowerment in our outer life. The more healing comes to frightened, angry, upset parts of ourselves, the more our Core Self begins to lead our life. We become calmer, more balanced, more confident, and happier.